Look Back
by MrsMaggieThornton
Summary: John Thornton and Margaret Hale part from each other, maybe for the last time.
1. Chapter 1

'Look back! Look back at me!'  
Thornton returned to his house. His mind was full of rush thoughts and loud noises. She was gone forever. He had lost her. For the first time in his life, he had love, and now lost. Should he follow her? Should he forget her? Is she gone really, forever? What should he do?  
Mrs. Thornton looked at him with great sorrow. She knew his heart for long and could feel his suffering. "You must let her go", she said in her deep and firm voice. He laid his hand upon her shoulder, "She was never mine to lose, mother." He was determined to wipe her from his mind, but everything reminded him of her. That same room was the one in which he observed her at the party, when he wanted to be near her. His office had her shadow since the first day they had met. Even the workers, her friends, made him think of her. What should he do?

-  
Inside the carriage, Margaret cried. All her sorrows suddenly became monsters inside her head. She knew her aunt would never let her return to Milton. The way Mr. Thornton looked at her when they parted crushed her heart. She knew his feelings well enough to know his sufferings, and by now she was learning to know her own heart, and it was suffering. She could never look back at him as he did at the party, otherwise her heart would lead her to do something foolish. Margaret remembered every sight of Thornton, every movement, every word. They had quarrelled but she was learning how to love Milton, and now he was gone forever. What should she do?


	2. Chapter 2

At that night, John tried to sleep. He kept himself busy during that gloomy afternoon, running errands, talking to workers, managing his stock. However, while he laid on his bed, her image haunted him. Her smiles and her frowns, her touch and smell, all her self was present in his mind as if she was beside him. The memory of the cold and brisk farewell gave him shivers. He should have said something, he should have been kinder. But now it was too late. She was gone forever.

Margaret spent the afternoon with her aunt, who kept running around the house frenetically. She kept buffing and sighing, cursing Milton and its residents. Despite her efforts, Margaret could not defend Milton and her friends; she had no strength of spirit to say anything, so she remained silent and obedient to her aunt. That night she could not sleep. The way Mr Thornton looked at her, reproved her, and judged her haunted her thoughts. He despised her, and now it was too late. He was gone forever.


	3. Chapter 3

The morning came, and John was still awake. The few birds inhabiting Marlborough Mills were twitting and singing, as well as the first factory workers of the morning shift. He opened the window in search for fresh air, with no result. The air outside was thick and heavy, just like his own mind. He washed his face in the basin next to his bed, trying to wipe off all the restlessness of his face. He looked at the mirror, and saw a bitter face.

Margaret sat on her bed when Dixon opened her door to bring her breakfast. They had booked the earliest train to London, so preparations should be made. The kind servant served her a tray and left, knowing that she wanted to be left alone. Margaret looked at the food and could not eat, a knot at her stomach prevented her. She rushed for fresh air from the window, but there was no wind. She felt fainting and searched for her salts in the drawer. When she faced herself on the mirror, she saw a bitter face.


	4. Chapter 4

John went straight to his office, without stopping by her mother's breakfast table as he usually did. He knew that she was aware of his feelings and any attempt of talking to her would be useless. She would blame Margaret for his misery; she would blame him for wanting her. He knew that her mother only wanted his best and yet, her comments were so harmful! He stopped by his window and saw a carriage. Was it her? Almost automatically, he closed it and looked away. He could not dare to see her again.

Margaret and her aunt got into the carriage to go to the train station. No words were spoken, but no words were needed. Margaret saw the streets that became her own home, the faces she so well knew. They passed through Marlborough Mills and she spotted Mr Thornton's window. It was closed, closed as her hopes, closed as her feelings. However, she felt relieved. She could not dare to see him again.


End file.
